You pick up pretty much your usual collection of rubbish and see the following:

The bidding goes:

The question is how many tricks do you expect to take with this rotten hand? Since you will never guess it right I will let you know - it was five! Now I will ask you a more difficult question. Which five cards took a trick?

I'll give you some help by showing you the full deal:

Dealer East. NS Game ª J © J 5 4 2 ¨ Q J 5 3 § 10 5 4 2 ª Q 7 6 5 ª 10 8 4 2 © Q 7 © A K 9 3 ¨ 10 7 2 ¨ K 4 § 9 8 7 6 § K Q 3 ª A K 9 3 © 10 8 6 ¨ A 9 8 6 § A J

Don't ask me why North bid 2©. Maybe she had been holding hands like mine for the rest of the day. The opening lead was the king of clubs and declarer took the ace at once, West giving count with the six. She exited with the §J and this time West gave a suit preference signal with the §9. East switched to a spade and declarer won with dummy's ace and played the ©6, electing to play low from hand when West produced the ©7.

Trick number one.
West exited with a spade and East's ten was taken by the king after which declarer played a second trump. West won this with the queen.

Trick number two.
West got off play with the eight of clubs and declarer won with the §10 and played a third trump. East won and drew the remaining trump before playing a spade to West's seven.

Trick number 3.
Now West was able to cash the ªQ and the §7.

Tricks number 4 & 5.
The only thing that didn't make this a perfect story from my point of view was that I didn't take the last trick with my ¨7! Schnuff.